{"id":110,"date":"2021-03-08T20:59:35","date_gmt":"2021-03-08T20:59:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dasas-mccook.org\/?page_id=110"},"modified":"2025-02-05T15:56:05","modified_gmt":"2025-02-05T21:56:05","slug":"how-you-can-help","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/dasas-mccook.org\/index.php\/domestic-violence\/how-you-can-help\/","title":{"rendered":"How You Can Help"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>If someone you know is being abused, they need your support.&nbsp; They may not ask for it directly, but if you express your concern, it may help them to break the silence and seek assistance.&nbsp; The victim may be experiencing shame, isolation, embarrassment and denial of the severity of their situation and many say these are powerful barriers to them seeking help.&nbsp; Let the victim know you care and that you are concerned for their safety.&nbsp; Gently ask direct questions about the person\u2019s situation.&nbsp; If they do not want to talk, try again another time.&nbsp; If they disclose information about their situation:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>Listen<\/strong>\u00a0to what the person says.\u00a0 Give the person time and space to talk without interruptions.\u00a0<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Believe<\/strong>\u00a0what the person says.\u00a0 Some situations may sound different than anything you may have experienced.\u00a0 Let the person know that you believe them and that you believe the violence will not go away on its own, but will only get worse.\u00a0<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Validate their feelings<\/strong>.\u00a0 You might say something like &#8220;This must be very hard for you.&#8221; &#8220;It must be scary when that happens,&#8221; or &#8220;No wonder you&#8217;re afraid.&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Do not blame the victim<\/strong>\u00a0for the abuse.\u00a0 Questions like, \u201cWhat did you do to provoke him\/her?\u201d puts the responsibility for the abuse on the victim instead of the person who was abusive.\u00a0 Explain that they are not alone and that the abuse is not their fault. Explain that there is no excuse for domestic violence.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Do not discriminate<\/strong>\u00a0against the person by judging, blaming, or assuming stereotypes that explain away the abuse.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Keep what they tell you confidential<\/strong>.\u00a0 Shame and embarrassment are barriers for victims seeking assistance, but fear of what the batterer may do to them for telling about the abuse is a deadly risk this victim may be taking to tell you their story.\u00a0 Keep them safe \u2013 don\u2019t talk about it without their permission.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Allow the person to make his\/her own decisions<\/strong>.\u00a0 Don\u2019t rush to give opinions or tell the person what to do.\u00a0 Offer options if you are familiar with options.\u00a0 If you are not sure about options, help the person seek the assistance of a domestic violence advocate.\u00a0 Always respect the person\u2019s right to make their own decisions.\u00a0 The most empowering thing you can do is honor that right.\u00a0 Whatever you do, do not give up.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Focus on the person\u2019s strengths.<\/strong>\u00a0 Victims live with emotional abuse as well as physical abuse.\u00a0 Give the person the support they need to believe they are a good person.\u00a0 Help them examine their strengths and skills.\u00a0 Emphasize that everyone deserves a life free from violence.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Guide the person to community resources.<\/strong>\u00a0 Encourage the person to contact Domestic Abuse\/Sexual Assault Services.\u00a0 Advocates will discuss available services and options as well as assist them in developing a safety plan.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Remember that safety should be paramount.\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0Don&#8217;t try to force him\/her to do something he\/she is not ready to do.\u00a0 This could put him\/her in more danger.\u00a0<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Examine your own life for violence and oppressive behaviors.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>Recognize people in your life who have been historically oppressed\u00a0<\/strong>and cultivate a respectful attitude towards them in your family and at your workplace.\u00a0 Avoid behaviors that are demeaning or controlling.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>When you are angry with your partner or children, respond without hurting or humiliating them.\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>Model a non-violent, respectful response to resolving conflicts in your family.\u00a0<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Make violence unacceptable in your life.<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong><strong>Take a stand with your family, friends, neighbors, and co-workers\u00a0<\/strong><\/strong>when they make a joke about violence or ignore a domestic violence situation.\u00a0 If you feel too uncomfortable to speak up, body language can communicate disapproval almost as loudly as words.\u00a0 Turn away from the person making the joke or frown instead of laughing and do not respond.\u00a0<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>You can make a difference in someone\u2019s life.&nbsp; You may be the neighbor, co-worker, member of a faith community, family member, professional helper or trusted friend that a victim of domestic violence may turn to for help.&nbsp; They may ask you directly or try to deny or minimize the abuse.&nbsp; Either way, your response will affect the safety and well-being of that victim.&nbsp; Don\u2019t make excuses, ignore it or say it\u2019s not your business.&nbsp; Domestic violence affects us all and it will continue as long as we as a society accept it.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-buttons is-layout-flex wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-button\"><a class=\"wp-block-button__link has-headings-background-color has-background wp-element-button\" href=\"https:\/\/dasas-mccook.org\/index.php\/domestic-violence\/\">Domestic Violence<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-button\"><a class=\"wp-block-button__link has-headings-background-color has-background wp-element-button\" href=\"https:\/\/dasas-mccook.org\/index.php\/domestic-violence\/types-of-abuse\/\">Types of Abuse<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-button\"><a class=\"wp-block-button__link has-headings-background-color has-background wp-element-button\" href=\"https:\/\/dasas-mccook.org\/index.php\/domestic-violence\/safety-planning\/\">Safety Planning<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If someone you know is being abused, they need your support.&nbsp; They may not ask for it directly, but if you express your concern, it may help them to break the silence and seek assistance.&nbsp; &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":532,"parent":44,"menu_order":4,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-110","page","type-page","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dasas-mccook.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/110","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dasas-mccook.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dasas-mccook.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dasas-mccook.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dasas-mccook.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=110"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/dasas-mccook.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/110\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":765,"href":"https:\/\/dasas-mccook.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/110\/revisions\/765"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dasas-mccook.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/44"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dasas-mccook.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/532"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dasas-mccook.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=110"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}