DASAS-McCook.org

Types of Abuse

Perpetrators use a wide variety of abusive tactics.  Some examples are listed below.

Physical

  • Pushing, hitting, strangling, kicking, biting, cutting, burning, spitting
  • Holding you down or preventing you from leaving 
  • Damaging property (throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors)
  • Destroying things that you care about
  • Throwing objects at you
  • Using a weapon against you
  • Locking you in or out of the house, garage, car etc.
  • Abandoning you in various places (leaving you at a store, on the side of the road, in the middle of nowhere)
  • Taking away your car keys, money, identification information
  • Limiting your access to the car or the phone
  • Preventing you from getting sleep or waking you up out of sleep
  • Depriving you of needed medications
  • Refusing to help when you are sick, injured or pregnant
  • Endangering you by driving wildly or recklessly
  • Preventing you from calling police or seeking medical attention
  • Hurting your children when he/she is angry at you
  • Hurting your pets to get at you
  • Murder

Psychological (Emotional, Verbal, Mental)

  • Ignoring your feelings
  • Yelling and screaming
  • Making all the decisions, even telling you what to wear and what you can eat
  • Making unreasonable demands for your attention
  • Manipulating and/or confusing you with lies
  • “Crazy Making” causing you to doubt yourself, your thoughts, your behaviors, and your own sense of reality
  • Accusing you of being unfaithful
  • Refusing to take you places
  • Isolating you from your friends and family
  • Calling you names, insulting you, making you think you are crazy
  • Constantly criticizing, ridiculing, humiliating or belittling you
  • Constantly harassing you
  • Embarrassing or demeaning you in front of others
  • Making fun of your friends and family
  • Invading your privacy by opening your mail, reading your emails, or going through your personal belongings
  • Threatening you to gain compliance
  • Threatening to leave you or making you leave
  • Threatening to hurt you, your children, family/friends, or pets
  • Threatening to destroy things you care about
  • Threatening to take away your children if you leave
  • Threatening to harm himself/herself when upset with you or you attempt to leave
  • Is jealous and possessive
  • Monitoring or demanding an account of your daily activities
  • Does not want you to work or go to school
  • Gets angry for no apparent reason
  • Blaming you for his/her violent outbursts or problems in the relationship
  • Blaming his/her behavior on alcohol, drugs or his/her own history of abuse
  • Pressuring you to use alcohol or other drugs
  • Manipulating you with the constant threat of mood changes and impending rage
  • Has you “walking on eggshells” or living with constant stress, anxiety or fear
  • Seems like two different people – one is charming or loving, the other is mean and hurtful
  • Using your religious or spiritual beliefs to manipulate you
  • Preventing you from practicing your religious beliefs
  • Ridiculing your religious or spiritual beliefs
  • Forcing the children to be reared in a faith that you have not agreed to

Economic (financial)

  • Refusing to give you money for food or clothing
  • Making you ask for money
  • Forcing you to hand over money that you earn
  • Making you spend all your own money while he/she doesn’t spend his/hers
  • Stealing your money
  • Refusing to support your children
  • Not letting you have access to a checking account or credit cards
  • Not letting you be involved in making decisions about money
  • Refusing to let you work
  • Forging your signature on financial documents
  • Jeopardizing your employment by such tactics as excessive calls to work; creating conflict with co-workers, supervisor or clients; creating scenes with co-workers; forcing you to miss work through threats, injuries or coerced substance use

Sexual Abuse

  • Treating you as a sex object
  • Ignoring your feelings regarding sex
  • Demeaning remarks about your body or appearance
  • Criticizing the way you act during sex
  • Withholding sex and affection
  • Forcing you to have sex when you do not want to
  • Forcing you to have sex with other people
  • Forcing you to have sex after an argument or beating
  • Forcing you to have sex when you are pregnant or sick
  • Forcing you to participate in degrading or unsafe sexual activities
  • Accusing you of having sex with others
  • Insisting on unwanted or uncomfortable touching
  • Forcing you to have sex then telling you that you “wanted it”
  • Telling and bragging about sex with others
  • Checking your clothing for signs that you have had sex with someone
  • Wanting or forcing you to dress in a sexual way
  • Hurting you with weapons or objects during sex
  • Forcing you to look at or participate in making pornography
  • Refusing to pay bills or take care of other basic needs until you have sex with him/her
  • Becomes angry if you don’t go along with his/her sexual demands?

Cultural/Identity

  • Threatening to out a partner’s sexual orientation, gender identity, S/M, polyamory, HIV status, or any other personal information
  • Using partner’s race, class, age, immigration status, religion, size, physical ability, language, and/or ethnicity, against them.