Perpetrators use a wide variety of abusive tactics. Some examples are listed below.
Physical
- Pushing, hitting, strangling, kicking, biting, cutting, burning, spitting
- Holding you down or preventing you from leaving
- Damaging property (throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors)
- Destroying things that you care about
- Throwing objects at you
- Using a weapon against you
- Locking you in or out of the house, garage, car etc.
- Abandoning you in various places (leaving you at a store, on the side of the road, in the middle of nowhere)
- Taking away your car keys, money, identification information
- Limiting your access to the car or the phone
- Preventing you from getting sleep or waking you up out of sleep
- Depriving you of needed medications
- Refusing to help when you are sick, injured or pregnant
- Endangering you by driving wildly or recklessly
- Preventing you from calling police or seeking medical attention
- Hurting your children when he/she is angry at you
- Hurting your pets to get at you
- Murder
Psychological (Emotional, Verbal, Mental)
- Ignoring your feelings
- Yelling and screaming
- Making all the decisions, even telling you what to wear and what you can eat
- Making unreasonable demands for your attention
- Manipulating and/or confusing you with lies
- “Crazy Making” causing you to doubt yourself, your thoughts, your behaviors, and your own sense of reality
- Accusing you of being unfaithful
- Refusing to take you places
- Isolating you from your friends and family
- Calling you names, insulting you, making you think you are crazy
- Constantly criticizing, ridiculing, humiliating or belittling you
- Constantly harassing you
- Embarrassing or demeaning you in front of others
- Making fun of your friends and family
- Invading your privacy by opening your mail, reading your emails, or going through your personal belongings
- Threatening you to gain compliance
- Threatening to leave you or making you leave
- Threatening to hurt you, your children, family/friends, or pets
- Threatening to destroy things you care about
- Threatening to take away your children if you leave
- Threatening to harm himself/herself when upset with you or you attempt to leave
- Is jealous and possessive
- Monitoring or demanding an account of your daily activities
- Does not want you to work or go to school
- Gets angry for no apparent reason
- Blaming you for his/her violent outbursts or problems in the relationship
- Blaming his/her behavior on alcohol, drugs or his/her own history of abuse
- Pressuring you to use alcohol or other drugs
- Manipulating you with the constant threat of mood changes and impending rage
- Has you “walking on eggshells” or living with constant stress, anxiety or fear
- Seems like two different people – one is charming or loving, the other is mean and hurtful
- Using your religious or spiritual beliefs to manipulate you
- Preventing you from practicing your religious beliefs
- Ridiculing your religious or spiritual beliefs
- Forcing the children to be reared in a faith that you have not agreed to
Economic (financial)
- Refusing to give you money for food or clothing
- Making you ask for money
- Forcing you to hand over money that you earn
- Making you spend all your own money while he/she doesn’t spend his/hers
- Stealing your money
- Refusing to support your children
- Not letting you have access to a checking account or credit cards
- Not letting you be involved in making decisions about money
- Refusing to let you work
- Forging your signature on financial documents
- Jeopardizing your employment by such tactics as excessive calls to work; creating conflict with co-workers, supervisor or clients; creating scenes with co-workers; forcing you to miss work through threats, injuries or coerced substance use
Sexual Abuse
- Treating you as a sex object
- Ignoring your feelings regarding sex
- Demeaning remarks about your body or appearance
- Criticizing the way you act during sex
- Withholding sex and affection
- Forcing you to have sex when you do not want to
- Forcing you to have sex with other people
- Forcing you to have sex after an argument or beating
- Forcing you to have sex when you are pregnant or sick
- Forcing you to participate in degrading or unsafe sexual activities
- Accusing you of having sex with others
- Insisting on unwanted or uncomfortable touching
- Forcing you to have sex then telling you that you “wanted it”
- Telling and bragging about sex with others
- Checking your clothing for signs that you have had sex with someone
- Wanting or forcing you to dress in a sexual way
- Hurting you with weapons or objects during sex
- Forcing you to look at or participate in making pornography
- Refusing to pay bills or take care of other basic needs until you have sex with him/her
- Becomes angry if you don’t go along with his/her sexual demands?
Cultural/Identity
- Threatening to out a partner’s sexual orientation, gender identity, S/M, polyamory, HIV status, or any other personal information
- Using partner’s race, class, age, immigration status, religion, size, physical ability, language, and/or ethnicity, against them.